C. J. Lyons: Homicidal Holidays
C. J. Lyons: Homicidal Holidays
As a former pediatric ER doctor turned thriller writer, I love talking about the really important things in life: namely, the best ways 
to kill someone and get away with it.
So, given the winter holiday season, I thought I’d throw out a few ideas on Homicidal Holiday Hazards.
1. O Christmas Tree: not only do they make for excellent fire starters (arson, anyone?) but think of the other possibilities that come from actually obtaining one.
Imagine – a deserted tree farm, you and your victim are far out of sight, it’s getting dark, and there you are with hatchet and saw in hand . . . Or, better yet, cutting down and hauling a live tree is a great way to induce a heart attack – given the holiday rush at hospitals, it would probably go undetected as the medical examiner would be too busy to do more than a cursory examination.
2. Auld Lang Syne: do you have any idea how easy it is to slip poison into New Year’s champagne or eggnog? The possibilities are endless: antifreeze in a sweet drink, an overdose of barbiturates or sedatives in an alcoholic one . . .
3. Dradle, Dradle: all that candy and cheating on diets make for a perfect time to induce a diabetic coma in those old folks with fat life insurance policies. Just swap out their ‘sugar’ pills or insulin for a few days, ply them with some gelt or candy canes and pouf! There goes granny, here comes the inheritance!
4. Up on the Rooftop: Hmmm . . . climbing up rickety ladders, hammer and nails, aluminum gutters and electrical lights, snow and ice all around – anyone else seeing a great set-up for ‘accidental’ electrocutions or slip and falls?
5. Over the Hills: all that ice and snow (for those of you in northern climes) and not to mention crazy, hectic drivers all rushing hither and yon make for a perfect recipe for disaster. Mix a slashed brake-line with faulty power steering, add a little too much holiday cheer and voila!
And then there’s always the cold and hypothermia, and all the possibilities the wilderness can offer us.
In the meantime, what’s your favorite Homicidal Holiday Hazard?
CJ
PS: I feel honour-bound (the pediatric ER doc in me) to point out that the holidays actually do pose a very real risk, especially to children and pets. Happy – and safe – holidays to all!
A young girl is taken. A father is silenced. The lies run deep.
Black Sheep is the standalone sequel to the huge New York Times bestseller Blind Faith – featuring volatile FBI agent Caitlyn Tierney – a thriller to keep you up all night.
